Feds Mobilized for Phony Threats

The breakup must have been a bitter one. That’s probably why the young man from Virginia was thinking up ways to get even with his ex-girlfriend.

What did he come up with? He decided to drive downtown to the FBI office and tell the feds that his ex was making threats against the president of the United States and was planning to run off and join a terrorist organization.

It’s not that government agencies like the FBI and the Secret Service don’t need an assist from the public in doing their jobs. Who can blame the government men for blowing off a little steam by getting stupid drunk and consorting with prostitutes. They are only human.

Smelling a rat

Much of the time the suits are more impaired than frat boys during homecoming week. But on this occasion they were alert enough to smell a rat.

It was pretty obvious that the guy was lying about his ex-girlfriend threatening the president. So much so that when authorities came down hard on him, he pleaded guilty to willfully making a false statement involving the executive branch of the U.S. government.

By doing so he caused costly federal resources to be wasted, nothing new there, and also subjected his ex-girlfriend to a seriously inconvenient and lengthy federal investigation.

Surely there are better ways to get even with an ex, even ones that won’t get you into trouble with federal law enforcement authorities.

Magazine subscriptions

For example, he could have ordered dozens of magazine subscriptions in her name and had the publications sent to her residence. If he got caught it might affect his credit rating but it wouldn’t require a visit from a SWAT team.

Or he could dial the girlfriend’s phone number several times an hour around the clock and pretend to be a pharmaceutical salesman based in India.

Finally, if none of these tactics inflicted the kind of pain he was looking to dish out, he could always take a piece of purple chalk and scribble the word “loser” on his ex’s driveway.

Seriously folks, breaking up is painful and not a lot of fun. Having said that, the best way to deal with it is to move on and look elsewhere for a healthy, loving relationship.

Acting like an idiot isn’t the answer.

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